Live in my Eyes and Die in my Arms
by eliegirl
Summary: For "L" of the Buffy ABC's prompt challenge posted by LoreoftheFaye. A closer look at the final bedroom talk between Willow and Kennedy before the last battle against the First Evil. One-shot.


Author's Note:_ Okay, this is a one-shot for LoreoftheFaye's Buffy ABC Prompt Challenge (Prompt "L"). Please review readers._

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**Live in my Eyes and Die in my Arms**

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Wrapped within Kennedy's warm and pleasantly strong embrace, the last question Willow expected to be asked of her was the very question Ken just asked of her. She knew that the potential slayer was bold and even a bit of a brat to most people, so much in fact she wondered why she liked that attribute. It was scary how much Kennedy sometimes could act so much like Anya with her communication with people. She really didn't understand why Kennedy made that seem so attractive and sexy. Right now it very much just made her want to run away.

She understood very much why Ken of all people needed to know. She was the one, if anyone, deserved to know at this point of their relationship.

Turning around in Kennedy's arms and sitting up she looked into her girlfriend's eyes, "Kennedy, I know that you need to know baby, but…"

"No. No buts, I know we haven't been together that long, but you are my first commitment. You do know that right?"

"I had a feeling. I don't not do, I don't think I couldn't. It's not me," answered Willow.

"I get that. I wanted you. I get want I want, and I knew that getting you would mean having just you. Which by the way is more than enough, you're wonderful," replied Kennedy.

"Yah, wonderful… wonderfully dangerous, maybe," Willow paused for a moment, but continued on before Ken's expression turned into an interruption, "I'll tell you about it, all of it, but I need to know that I am dangerous, okay?"

Kennedy for second looked as if she was going to protest, but a look into Will's eyes and she knew not to, she just nodded instead.

"Okay, first off I was reeling from a rather bad breakup when I met Tara."

"I thought she was your first," questioned Ken.

"Oh she was, Oz was my first boyfriend. It was puppy love, or perhaps wolf love. He was a werewolf."

"Oh."

"Not everyone can know from their first watching of Gone with the Wind as a kid, baby," Willow said with a grin.

"He noticed me, and made me feel special like. I had no idea I liked girls, I mean I had met an alternate dimension me who was a vampire, she was gay, but it just didn't click till Tara. She wasn't like you, not as bold or confident, unless we were like we are… in bed."

"Oz, my ex boyfriend, when it did end… I was dangerous. I was so close to using magic to curse both him and the girl he cheated on me with, but I didn't… partly cause I couldn't, maybe even then I realized he wasn't for me, him having the wrong parts and all. Partly cause the deranged she-wolf he made happy with had gone homicidal on me."

"I turned to magic again when Tara lost her mind to a hell god. I was so full of wrath and vengeance. I took on the darkest witchcraft I could and went after the hell god. She withstood me, but I could hurt her, which was more than Buffy could at that time. I became addicted to the power then. I raised Buffy from the dead a few months later. I used it to manipulate the people around me, and when that caused Tara to leave me, I went off the deep-end. I used magic for pleasure and enjoyment. I know now that you sorta understand that magic can be fun, but not like that. I used it freely and openly to make the entire Bronze into a landscape I wanted to watch. I was literally tripping off of the effects of magic, even going as far as to have a warlock use his magic to put me into a drugged state. I had lost myself."

"I went cold turkey, but shortly after Tara and I had gotten back some months later she was killed. Shot in the chest right in front of me. It lost it, literally. I drained all the magic from the old magic shop that Anya and Giles used to own, the Magic Box. I killed for magic, absorbing it from people. I almost killed Buffy, Giles, Dawnie, and Anya. That guy I turned into, I tortured and flayed him. He might have even deserved it, but then I almost ended the world literally. My love had died and I had wanted all the pain and emotion gone."

"Magic isn't something you just quit, much less safely quit cold turkey. I have learned that I have to find a balance for it in my life, but I need you to understand that if I don't come back as the me you see right now, just kill me or try to contain me, please Kennedy."

"I don't know if I can promise you that, it makes it even harder now that you have told me all of that. I'm almost sorry I asked why the wicked version of Willow is so horrible that you would ask me to kill you, but at least now I know for sure it would never ever happen."

"But, Ken baby, I'm…"

"You will never lose me Willow, I will live on in your eyes always."

"Even if I die for this?"

"If you die it will be like this. I will hold you till the world ends. I now I will not maintain myself as well as you did in the past, I couldn't lose you and even try."


End file.
